My counselling journey has established itself up and down the country since my early days of study in 2004 at Sheffield Hallam university, a short distance from my current Chesterfield and Mansfield counselling practice. At the beginning I would commute from my home in Luton, Bedfordshiretto Sheffield Hallam University. Course lecturers, from the then Sheffield Alcohol Advisory Service, would comment on the commitment I had made and offer kind support. Memories of them still bring smiles to my face today. My route from Luton to Sheffield Hallam University took me back to my origins of the Derbyshire Dales. I would use the winding journey through Bakewell, Chatsworth and Padley Gorge to reflect on the counselling studies or practise I was about to engage in. I recall fondly the group exercises we engaged in at Eyam in the summer at the end of the second year. The Derbyshire Dales were truly exceptional but London was still my calling.

Upon graduation from my CBT for Substance Misuse course in Sheffield, I began an eight-year stint in a residential rehab in Luton, Bedfordshire. I started off as a group counsellor and under the wing of a very talented NLP counsellor, David Cooper. I helped countless addicts find lasting recovery, in one small way or another. While this was incredibly rewarding, the darker side of addictionworld leaves scars of loss and harrowing stories of personal suffering for all involved. Nevertheless, a very worthy cause. Despite being incredibly painful at times, I find that sharing in someone’s grief to be one of the most special and humbling aspects of my role as a counsellor. The moment someone feels seen, heard, accepted, supported and cared for is truly special. Those moments are, in my opinion, what counselling is all about – the connection.

While in rehab and wanting to hone my skills, I accidentally sought out one of the most wonderful counselling schools in the country. CPPD Counselling School in London offered more of that feeling of warmth, connection and care but backed up with an incredibly robust training programme. The start of my level 4 diploma in Integrative Humanistic Counselling was enlightening, informative and engaging. I started to learn new approaches and made some new and lasting friendships with other like-minded fellows, all the time heeding the warnings that the following year was going to be incredibly hard going – The year of psychodynamics!

I love psychodynamic counselling theory, and fully believe in the principles, they are unfolded daily in front of my very eyes. The concept of transference always seems like the magic of therapy to me as I pick up subconscious feelings and thoughts from my clients and translate them into meaningful content for them. Of course, transference could be simply an extension of empathy and largely attributable to mirror neurons, but nevertheless, the encounters are always meaningful. Despite being written by the academics of yesteryear, and being hard at times to decipher, our early life experiences do condition us and have a tendency to map out how we respond to future issues and relationships. Numerous lecturers have commented I have a talent for applying theory to practise. I also have a talent to spot the similarities of the various approaches and how various aspects of counselling theory are labelled differently but ostensibly mean the same thing.

There appears to be a movement starting to occur between the world of counselling and coaching which I find exciting. Until now, much of counselling has largely been past focussed i.e., focussing on what has happened and the suffering that has ensued. Retrospectively, coaching is generally forward focussed, and suggestive that the past does not equate to the future. The merger of both of these modalities, to me, feels more holistic and complete. I think counselling often hopes for the grief to heal through its expression, which I’m sure it does. However, approaches such as CBT and coaching also encompass a behavioural application of change, which I believe is also important. In his couples counselling approach, Harville Hendrix suggests that a relationship that only focuses on its problems will only manifest problems. He posits that for a couple to move beyond their disharmony they need to do the things they once did which created the love in the first place. Things like loving and caring behaviours. Again, a future focussed, behavioural approach.

After completing my practitioner’s diploma with CPPD, I felt like a child in a sweetshop. The knowledge base of counselling is so vast and interesting I felt like Augustus Gloop from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – I wanted to absorb it all in wonderment. As a part of the counselling practitioners’ journey, students are required to undertake a number of personal counselling hours. The idea being that people are often drawn to the profession of counselling in the hope of resolving their own issues. As I’m sure you can imagine, this could be hazardous if unchecked. In my journey I had the privilege of working with the late Chris Hendon for eight years of personal therapy. Chris was engaging, intelligent, challenging and had the most wonderful depth in himself. Sadly, he passed away at the end of our time together but his spirit lives on in the work I do with my clients. Work that has influenced me to the point that senior counselling practitioners’ comment on my ability to work at depth and breadth with my clients. Chris worked relationally, which really resonated with me. Relationships within counselling are integral to change and vital within counselling.

I felt that in order to be more fully available to my clients I would benefit from working more with the often-taboo subject of sex and subsequently moved on to some of the most knowledgeable and experienced counselling tutors in the country. Judi Keshet-Orr, Bernd Leygraf and Jaap Westerbos of the Naos Institute, pool together scores of years of experience, intelligence and epitomise the humanistic qualities required to be a counsellor in their training programmes. They command high standards of acidaemia and have the ability to pool some of the most talented counsellors in Europe to deliver training of the highest standards. I enjoyed their offerings so much; I completed three PG training courses with them. A PG level 7 diploma in psychosexual and relationship counselling, A PG level 7 diploma in trauma counselling and A PG level 7 advanced diploma in relationship counselling. All from their London based offices.

Before Chris Hendon passed away, he put me in contact with one of his peers, someone he had trained with many years, someone who became my supervisor. My supervisor exhibited the same deep relational qualities as the aforementioned and an ability to discuss anything, offer containment and provide loving caring support. To date, he has about 35 years experience in the field and exemplifies not only the relational approach but also the Radical Self-Acceptance approach as posited by Tara Brach. I am honoured to have worked with my supervisor for many years now and despite moving back to my roots of the Derbyshire Dales, we still regularly work together at length, depth and breadth. There’s nobody I would rather have at my side in my work.

So, as I approach my mid-fifties, I have moved back to where it all started! The beautiful Derbyshire countryside, with my family and two dogs. My yearning for the ‘big smoke’ has been satisfied and I operate my counselling practice from my homely offices between Chesterfield and Mansfield. I am blessed to watch the seasons of the countryside change from my bedroom window and roam the meandering hills of the Derbyshire Peak District and the Country Parks of Nottinghamshire. Where this journey will lead to next is uncertain but for now at least, I have come home.